Sofia Bothwell

In the arena of losing excess weight we have to acknowledge one thing - We are trying to make ourselves less. Less big. Now, how on earth could that be important, it is simply obvious, and certainly not worth any consideration. It is just a fact you want to be slimmer - end of! Or is it? In my own story of weight loss, delving into my subconscious to ascertain how and why I got overweight and had crazy eating habits, I discovered several things. One: There was a lot more to this ''losing a few pounds'' than first meets the eye. I had to look deeper into my subconscious motives. I discovered ''being big'' meant something. I had no way of ''being big'' in terms of being appreciated, supported or nurtured in the world I was growing up in. Being big meant being seen and I certainly was not seen. My parents hardly ever looked at me unless it was to scold me over some (often) meaningless issue, like ''Eat your peas.'' Two: Bein...

 Self-pity breeds jealousy, spitefulness, and an attitude of ''you owe me''. Maybe you know people in your life that are ''takers'' - well that also comes from their self-pity.  When one feels self-pity, it is because one feels deprived of something. What do you feel deprived of? The feelings of deprivation often are linked to food for compulsive eaters. The forced restriction of their favourite food is, straight away, a 'being deprived'  if I want to be slim.  With Healing the Eating Habit, we do not deprive ourselves of anything, in fact the opposite is true, for an attitude of allowing oneself your favourite foods, as long as you are genuinely physically hungry and it is that specific food you fancy, then go ahead and eat until satisfied. Satisfaction is of the utmost importance in truly healing an eating disorder. So reassuring yourself that you are no longer going to deprive yourself - When you are hungry, you can eat. And you can eat your f...

We live our lives under the influence of many, many things. From the TV, that is maybe on in your house from dusk till dawn, to the music you hear played in the supermarket as you do your weekly shopping. We think of these things as just background noise or entertainment, but really they effect our lives in so many ways, to the extent that I believe you would have a different life if you were not under the influence of these things. Quiet time is important, and freedom from the pressures you consider yourself to be under is also important. That is why I recommend breathwork as a skill that everyone should know about and experience. Simply deepening the breath and connecting the breath, opens the way for emotional resolving in a very rapid and holistic way. It provides peace and calm, and clarity as to how to move forward in your life no matter what. Start with an affirmation ''Every day in every way things are getting better and better for me now.'' Use this daily for t...

 When you have a problem you can either go unconscious about it or you can become more conscious about it. The former (going unconscious) involves eating when full, drinking, drug taking, zoning out on too much Netflix or any of the many avoidance tactics you have access to. There is little or no hope of a resolving or solution to be found if you are hardly aware of the problem. Running away from the feelings that are trying to highlight to you that something in your life simply needs your conscious attention; does not benefit you in any way. The later (becoming more conscious) involves stopping when full, no alcohol, cigarettes or avoidance tactics; instead taking a moment to feel what you are feeling about the problem or issue and considering your options. You ponder and seek to move forward. You use any tools or methods that seem appropriate such as ''The Work'' of Byron Katie, that aid a shift in consciousness that opens you up to a different perspective and helps y...

As little as two generations ago women were washing clothes by hand in the Western world. Women with large families, maybe five or more children and men who were working hard in the fields, or in mines, or  some other  manual labour. If you have ever washed heavily soiled material by hand you know it is no joke. We now so easily take for granted our automatic washing machine. It is a luxury and a great blessing in truth, and if we take a moment to be thankful ,really thankful and grateful for the differences and ''moving on'' that us women of this generation have that our mothers, and their mothers, and their mothers did not have, it would bring a dawning of a movement of improvement. Yet we must break the shackles of past conditioning. When I was discovering the way to heal my habit of 'eating when full' when I was nineteen, I also read a good bit about feminism. I found it interesting, and certainly found some of its attitudes and wisdom empowered me. However ...

 Holding excess weight on ones body and being unable to lose that excess weight is often about the need for protection and / or nurturance. You must ask yourself - How do I nurture myself? What does the word 'nurture' mean to me? Also you must check in with yourself to see where you are afraid, and feel you need to be protected. Who in your life scares you? What in your life scares you? It is in facing up to these issues that we move forward in breaking free from compulsive eating and they are covered in depth in my one to one Zoom, Skype and Face book video call sessions.

What provokes emotions for you? What song makes you cry? What film? What does that person repeatedly do that makes you agitated or angry? Who makes you yell at them? What tone of voice or word from who makes you upset? These situations, scenarios and people are difficult because you, like most of us, have never been taught how to handle your emotions - so you turn to ''food when full'' to help you cope. And that puts excess weight on and keeps excess weight on.  What diet teaches you how to handle emotions? None. That is why you lose excess weight on a diet but always regain it. Because it is your coping mechanism to eat when already physically full. No one is going to take that away from you - it is all you have. That is your subconscious belief. That is why people spend a lifetime being overweight. The problem never gets solved until the underlying emotional stuff has been addressed.  So who makes you angry? Note it down in a private notebook. Helping you find new cop...

I often describe what I do as accompanying you on a journey. Our starting point is a place called ''Compulsive Eating'' and our destination is ''Freedom from Compulsive Eating'' or simply ''Freedom.'' The way I see it, you are slightly stuck in ''Compulsive Eating'' at the moment, and maybe even have been for quite some time. But you are not so comfortable there, and you've heard of a wonderful place that has slimness, and beauty, and happiness. Your attempts to get there have all failed.  You have hit nasty road blocks with guards that refuse to let you pass. Floods and high winds have sprung up from nowhere the minute you catch a glimpse of that beautiful, almost mythical, city called  ''Freedom.'' The dark clouds swept in and instantly covered that area of land, that the minute before, had held the sight of ''Freedom.'' Darkness fell all too rapidly and frightened you.  Where is my be...

Feelings - they can be either suppressed or integrated. Suppressing your feelings means eating when full to the compulsive eater. Integrating your feelings involves feeling feelings that you find difficult or frightening to feel. The following process may help. Take a pen and paper and jot down your answers: Take a moment and ask yourself: What is my main emotional issue that I struggle with?  It could be in the arena of relationships, an issue with your spouse, an issue with your mother-in-law. It could be financial or career. It could be health. Next ask yourself: What feelings or emotions does this emotional issue bring up for me? Fear? Abandonment? Anger? Sadness? Boredom? etc Now ask yourself: Why is feeling these feelings so daunting for me? What am I afraid will happen if I allow myself to feel these feelings associated with this emotional issue? Now that you see your problem right in front of you, on paper, reassure yourself that you have faith that you can start to feel t...

The following is a piece I wrote for a Christmas Newsletter in 2000. It is interesting for me to notice the subtle differences in my writer's voice over the years. And I still like what I wrote - Enjoy! The urge to eat when physically full is, as you know by now, a weed whose roots comprise of the intricate system of unresolved emotional issues, unpleasant or traumatic feelings and everyday annoyances. When we acknowledge those times when we are physically full and yet still have the urge to eat more, and we resist that urge, we know we are delving into those previously suppressed emotions. We, in truth have no way of knowing what feeling or emotion will emerge for us, at a given moment in time. Our task is to attempt to feel these feelings as they emerge no matter how trivial of intense they seem. We have no way of knowing if the emotional issue at hand is an intensely traumatic one or just a minor complaint that can be dealt with relatively easily. The task here is for us to be c...

You must give yourself permission to have the foods you love. You must give yourself permission to have the so called fattening foods.  The reason I say 'so called' fattening foods is because food in and of itself cannot be 'fattening' if eaten when genuinely, physically, hungry. And this is the vital issue - the genuine physical hunger. The only 'fattening food' is food eaten when you are already physically full. That food will put weight on because it is the excess eating (the eating when full) that causes the excess weight. Your body physically does not need that food and it gets immediately turned into fat cells. Excess food goes into storage, so to speak. Food we eat when we are physically full is food we do not need to stay alive. We need food when hungry to say alive. The hunger sensation is literally saying 'Hey you need to eat something now if you want to keep living.' And our bodies have that fullness gauge in order to inform us that no more ...

When we were children we had natural creativity. From a stick in a puddle unleashing a wonderland of splashes and delight, to the joy of painting or recognising a word for the first time. This is the enthusiasm that really must be left unhindered in order for a child to grow into a healthy adult. Many of us however got criticised instead of encouraged. Many of us got 'put down' instead of supported. Many a well meaning parent or teacher (and some not so well meaning) really did some damage to our young minds, spirits and emotions, greatly hindering us to become fully functional adults living a life free from addiction.  You see, the grown adult still carries the pain of those incidents of severe criticism and 'put-downs'. The lack of support, the dismissive attitude leaves its wounds that often teens develop eating disorders to deal with. Eating when full becomes the way to numb the pain maybe accompanied by drinking and smoking. The habits learned young to help deal wi...

 Relating to others as you alter and change your eating patterns is something that can come under the microscope. Awareness of what is happening is a key tool in being able to navigate these times.  Refusing food can be difficult for some. For example: a favourite aunt offers you a piece of her home made coffee cake and you refuse when you have never refused before. This can cause a look of disappointment across your aunts face that really makes you wonder how you could have done such a thing simply because you are physically full. Disappointing others is not easy nor pleasant, but are you disappointing yourself if you constantly give in to the wants and needs (often superficial needs) of others at the expense of your own heartfelt wants and needs? This takes some weighing up. This takes a little tact, consideration and thought. As in the case with the aunt and the cake, you could reassure her that it looks delicious but you have just eaten, and would it be okay for you to tak...

 Look at all the times you automatically put food in your mouth. All the times you mindlessly wander into the kitchen and grab a biscuit or chocolate bar, fix yourself a sandwich and just add a packet of crisps for good measure.  This happens a lot when people are carrying excess weight. It is one of the mysterious ways that food gets eaten and we don't even notice it.  It is mindless eating, it is unconscious eating. It is eating out of habit without putting any conscious awareness into the act we are indulging in.  So ask yourself - What would my life look like if I took a closer look at those times I unconsciously eat? What if I caught myself wandering into the kitchen, seemingly aimlessly, and stopped myself and asked myself  - Am I actually, genuinely, physically hungry? Could I go another half hour before eating?  What if I am full and I really just don't like how I feel emotionally right now? What if I became more aware of my emotions? What if I were...